How to Play With Your Child and Actually Have Fun!

from ICNS Sept 2012 newsletter...

Dear Families,
September really flew by didn’t it? It seems the lazy days of summer came to a screeching halt and were replaced by the fast paced world of school schedules, work demands and the ever present stress of what’s for dinner? And yet my volunteer days at ICNS have been a welcome reprieve. I find myself in a zen state as I watch the children play, discover, and enjoy one another. It’s peaceful and calming, kind of therapeutic in fact. Even when there is discord, there is a willingness to forgive, followed by rebuilding and sharing. If this can happen with 20 kids, why can’t I keep that magic alive at home with 2? 
At home, there is a large portion of the day dedicated to fussing, crying and begging for TV or me to play with them-mostly in the afternoon. I oscillate between feeling guilty for not "playing" with my kids enough and being overwhelmed with the dishes and laundry piling up. So in an attempt to enjoy and find peace in my home life as much as my time at ICNS, I’m going to put into practice the 3 obvious things the preschool has that I don’t: (1) volunteers who have set everything else aside for a block of time, (2) purposeful play (think child decorated invitations from school), and (3) fabulous and inviting displays and areas for discovery, like the pizzeria or the fish tank. The first one I thought would be the hardest. But it turns out that unplugging (setting aside the phone, computer and all outside demands) for a block of time each day made my work time more productive and focused my "family time" on enjoying one another. Now this doesn’t mean I become the sole entertainment but we do things that are fun for all of us and the boys have my full attention. Today we played "monster" (Finns choice),Taboo (Cks choice) and flipped thru this months family fun magazine together (my choice). Next, I am trying to make household chores more play based. Yesterday we had an epic sock bomb battle as I finally sorted and matched a years worth of "missing" socks, launching them at the boys as I rolled them together. Instead of focusing on how much WORK there is to do, I’m concentrating on what would be most fun for all of us.

Lastly, I discovered quite by accident the effectiveness of simply grouping and displaying toys they already have. I set aside all the old baby board books, the ones with one picture/word per page, planning to store them in the garage. I managed to get them in a box but forgot to take them downstairs. The boys "discovered" the box and read them over and over for hours. The same books were completely ignored when they were inches away on a shelf, but there was something "new" about them being regrouped in that box. Same thing with their coloring books. I simply moved them into the kitchen with their markers spread on the table and started making dinner. The boys hunted me down ready to barrage me with requests as they always do in the 5:00 hour and literally stopped mid sentence when they noticed the books. They immediately went to town coloring and we enjoyed each others company as we all worked on our separate activities.
It seems structuring & scheduling our time together like that frees us
to be more carefree. It’s not the whole day, but its turned the hardest hours into something to look forward to. I’d love to have more ideas on fun ways to "play" together.
Send me your ideas at elfwagner@gmail.com
Eva Wagner - President 

BE on Vacation...Forever

Welcome back everyone! I hope you had a wonderful summer full of adventure, relaxation and quality family time. We had the amazing fortune to visit Finn's grandpa in Quebec for a week and then spend a week camping in Yosemite with "grandma". You can probably guess which one was more relaxing!:) But wethering roughing it with the bears or motor-boating on the lake with French-Canadians, one thing was certain--we were on vacation and it was marvelous! But the instant I got back, that laid-back, open-air, love life pace seemed to vanish into thin air. And it made me wonder: what is it that makes vacation so different from every day life and how can I recreate "vacation" without leaving home?
Well I can tell you what it wasn't. It was not fuss free children that remember their please and thankyous without any reminders. It was not independent and adventurous children (or adults) that were up for anything without coaxing (from kale salad to jumping off the dock) simply because we were not at home. It was not fancy dinners and massages (though that would have been a bonus). It was not even being all together-that happens regularly on weekends and weeknights. It was (simply) being present.
 I would love to say this was a thoughtful & purposeful outcome, but it happened mostly because we were out of cell phone/wi-fi range. I'm usually a huge advocate of technology but I cannot deny the life altering experience of being cut off from the world. It was like going back in time, when you had to arrange to meet someone at a certain time somewhere or you would never see each other. That, yes, was a drawback. But without the dings and alerts of people trying to reach me, I had a sense of calm hereto lost in the great age of iPhones. I couldn't freak out about the latest deadline, change in program, or other urgent need/drama. And yet life somehow managed to continue on without me. I also couldn't shop. I couldn't read. I couldn't see where my friends were checking in on Facebook. All I could do was be present in the moment. So... we climbed rocks, Finn pace. We floated down the river as long as we wanted to. We asked questions we couldn't answer (no Google remember). We didn't hurry. We got up with the sun and went to bed with the moon. I let myself be a little bored, and I was content at the end of the day that I had made the most of it. How often do I say that at home? Hmm... never. How can I? At home, when I sit down on the floor to play a game with the boys, I notice I need to vacuum.  At home, I too often say "ok, let me just finish blah blah, then I'll play." At home, I listen to ridiculously long stories about Legos while checking my email. (Don't judge me please!) At home, I am constantly aware of how much there is to do but as of yet I haven't been aware of how much I was missing. I measured my days by how many checks there were on my to do list instead of how many "moments" I had with my loved ones. So how to recapture the peace of mind that allows me "be" when I'm not on vacation. First, I'm putting myself on "airplane mode". (Do you know this also saves battery power-highly metaphorical that one!:) By allowing my actual phone to be "off" for a set time every day, I can hold myself and the world at bay. Yes, this will make some people unhappy, but really when did I advertise a 24hr availability? The world can wait until the boys are in school or bed. Putting my house on airplane mode requires more discipline, but I will remember the quote in my friend's kitchen: "Mom's with sticky counters and dirty floors have happy children." And I will give myself permission to NOT multitask. I will not fold laundry while counting for hide and seek, I will just be present. Whether brushing teeth or waiting for boys to buckle in their seats, I will. Just. Be. I love my time volunteering at ICNS because it is so ingrained there, so natural to just enjoy the time with the children. So my challenge to myself (and any of you who choose to accept it) is to be present, even if just for a small portion of every day; be present, be mindful, and reap all the calming, connecting, loving rewards.:)